Dear, Psychologist

What you are describing, a mind that keeps running long after the day is done, is something many people experience, and it does not mean something is wrong with you. Worry is the mind's way of trying to stay safe by preparing for problems in advance. The difficulty is that at night there is nothing to act on, so the thoughts simply circle.

A few things tend to help. Keeping a regular sleep and wake time gives the body a rhythm to settle into. Writing the worries down earlier in the evening, on paper, can tell the mind that they have been noted and do not need rehearsing at midnight. Slow breathing, where the out breath is a little longer than the in breath, gently signals the body that it is safe to rest.

If the worry is present most days, is hard to control, and is affecting your sleep, work, or relationships over several weeks, that is worth taking seriously, and it is a good reason to speak with a doctor or a mental health professional. Persistent, excessive worry of this kind is common and treatable. You are not weak for finding it hard, and you do not have to manage it alone.

It is clear you care about her, and noticing the change is itself an act of friendship. You do not need the right words or any clinical knowledge to help. What helps most is presence.

Try naming what you have seen, gently and without judgement, for example, "I have noticed you seem to have had a lot on lately, and I am here whenever you want to talk." Then listen more than you advise. People who are struggling often expect to be fixed or corrected, and simply being heard can be a relief. It is best to avoid telling her to cheer up or count her blessings, even with the kindest intentions, because it can leave her feeling more alone.

You can also offer something small and concrete, such as sitting together or taking a short walk, rather than a vague "let me know if you need anything." If she mentions feeling hopeless, or you find yourself genuinely worried for her safety, encourage her to speak with a doctor or counsellor, and offer to help her find one or to go with her. Look after yourself too. Supporting someone is easier when you are not carrying it entirely on your own.

There is no wrong way to grieve, and there is no schedule it is meant to follow. Grief is not a problem to be solved within a set number of months. It tends to come in waves, easing and returning, often stirred by a date, a song, or an ordinary moment that catches you off guard. A year on, heavy days are not a sign of failure. They are a sign that your father mattered.

For many people, over time, the waves gradually become less frequent and less overwhelming, and it becomes possible to carry both the loss and the rest of life alongside it. That does not mean forgetting, and it does not mean the love ends.

If the grief feels stuck, if it is hard to function day to day, if you feel cut off from the people around you, or if life begins to feel not worth continuing, those are reasons to reach out to a professional rather than to wait it out alone. Support exists, and using it is not a failure of strength. Try to be as patient with yourself as you would be with a friend in the same place.